Wednesday, March 27, 2019

The Ghosts - Past, Present and Future

I run, run, run away, to a place far away
There I see blues, I see hue and cry
Was it supposed to be like this, I wonder
I always thought it would be better
The ghost of Future laughs Hardy Har Har

I run, run, run away, to another place far away
I see laughter, I see deep sighs, I see calm
I see longing that is about to come, I can't stop it with my palm
I want to stay, I want to make things right
The ghost of Past laughs deep into the night

I run, run, run away, to a place not far away
My sight is dipped in the real palette
I don't like this, I want out, I cry, I fret
"In a fight against me, only time wins"
The big ghost of Present grins

Saturday, February 16, 2019

How long has it been?

“Oooh, what do I wear?” she thought excitedly, a tad nervous even. It wasn’t as if she was meeting him for the first time but the jitters she felt in her stomach seemed to indicate otherwise.

She started going through her pile of clothes lying on the bed, once again. Her friend, who was with her, sighed in exasperation. “Uff! You are making too big a deal out of this, yaar. Yeah, so, you are meeting him…So what? Are you sure he is worth all this time you are giving him….now?”

“I don’t know whether he is worth it all, now, but for once in my life, I don’t want to have any expectations; I just want to see where this is headed. I have burnt my fingers once already, but hey, I am loving whatever I have with him now! Also, tell me, have you ever experienced anything like this? The nervousness? The hope of being with someone? Counting minutes till you meet next? she was being bolder than ever before, stating her feelings, which was a big leap from the total introvert she was.

“Oh God! You sound like a lovesick idiot. Who has time to feel all that now? If I as much as get a hello from my husband after he returns from work, it is my lucky day. It is just his space and my space; there is no “our space”” she said, air-quoting the “our”, and sighed.

She was not listening to her friend; she had found the perfect dress to wear for her dinner date that night. She started humming to herself. Tra la la…Tra la la. Her friend, though scoffing at her, was actually jealous.

The friend took her leave and she went about her business of getting ready. All sorts of thoughts were still running in her mind. After her previous unsuccessful relationship, was she finally ready to commit herself to this relationship again? Would he hold up to his end of the deal or would she find herself being taken for granted again? Would she again feel confined and tied to her responsibilities or will she be able to breathe again? Would he share all the chores, or would he be a chauvinist? Would he make time for her or would the love and passion fizzle out after a while, like it had before?

Trying to keep a positive mindset, she looked at herself in the mirror. She liked what she saw. She was happy, and it showed. She saw something she hadn’t seen in years; there was a bit of coyness in her behaviour and she attributed that to him. The last time she’d felt this way was more than a decade and a half ago. She smiled, thinking of all the immaturities back then and how life teaches everyone something every now and then.

She left to meet him, driving through the crowded streets of Bangalore, especially crowded on a Saturday evening. She reached the restaurant they’d decided upon, her choice actually, and she went in, her heart beating twice as faster.

She saw him. He was already there. This is a good sign, she hoped and stood in front of him. He stood up from his chair, his expression appreciative of her attire, and a wide smile on his face to greet her. He gave her a quick hug and then pulled up a chair for her. She slid in, her nervousness calming down a little after seeing him.

“Can you help me order? It’s your choice and you must know what’s good here?” he suggested. She smiled and ordered for both of them.

They chitchatted for a while and then started sipping their drinks while enjoying their appetizers.

“You look wonderful” he suddenly commented. She blushed. They stole a glance at each other and remembered an incident that they both wanted to forget.

“Thanks,” she said and put her hand on top of his. His hand was warm, offering comfort on a breezy August evening.

He noticed the gesture and got his other hand to cup her hands in his.

“I know we’ve both been through a lot. I can’t say much for you but I sure as hell, have grown up a lot in these past few years, I have realized my mistakes from my previous marriage, and I am ready to work on them now. I would really love to work on them with you if you give me a chance…..” he paused.

Her nervousness, the pulsating heartbeats, everything was back. She knew she would say yes, she had always known. She just hoped for both their sakes that they wouldn’t be making the same mistakes again.

“No point in beating around the bush. I feel the same way” she managed to say.

“Oh, you’ve made me so happy! Happier than I’ve felt in a long time!” he squeezed her hands and pulled her close and placed an awkward peck on her cheek.

“I didn’t get a ring or anything. I hadn’t even planned on this tonight, but it just happened” he added, a wide grin now plastered on his face.

“I guess it was meant to happen now. Also, there’s this one thing. Since we’ve both been unsuccessful in relationships before, could we maybe just take each day as it comes and not plan for everything right away?” she asked with the tiniest bit of hesitation.

“Anything you say”

After a happy dinner, they both got up to leave when an elderly couple from 4 tables away recognized them. They looked surprised.

“Anitha? Ajith? You both here? Together? It’s been what….5 years since your divorce?” the aunty blurted out.

Saturday, February 9, 2019

It's a rainin'

Line, you all fall in a line
You've made the weather, oh, so fine
You sputter and you sputter and you splash
Yet, no two of you ever clash

The cool breeze, the swaying trees
Mother Earth, so damp and brown, like the colour filler, dropped
I wish I had a canvas with me
But I also don't want to stop looking, lest you stopped

There's something so soothing about you
Even though you come with thunder
Inside my house, inside my head,
To my own thoughts, I surrender

Sunday, February 3, 2019


As part of my new year resolutions for 2019, I purchased Alicia Souza's "The Ultimate Planner", which is totally fab btw, and for this month's habit tracker, I would like to blog everyday this month! This is a filler post for today.

Friday, January 25, 2019

This Time and Age

This is a time and age where you (read I) feel most things slipping away. Where is the time to do everything you wanted? Logically, and practically, one could say it is a matter of setting priorities...but that's the thing, everything feels like top priority; like if you don't do this now, you won't get to do it later. Health concerns kick in, you hear some news here, you hear of a disease there...and within your close circles. You start hitting the gym, take that 1 year subscription that you are not going to use, but hey, so much more cheaper right? You try your hand at those things that you've always wanted to do, maybe a hobby, painting, guitar; even though you have lesser time to yourself than you did then. Earning is still a priority but now savings are important too. That innocent excitement you had when you bought your first phone is long lost; you now have the means to buy one that is 10 times more expensive, but does that really matter? Social and global issues now gnaw at you. The ad that used to play when you were 5, remember the one where the little girl keeps the tap running while she brushes and when it's time to clean her toothbrush, the water flow stops?, is now a reality. The belief system(s) you were brought up with are non-existent and what you believe in, now, seems to be changing constantly. You are tired of saying Yes Boss and want to venture out on your own. Questions plague you; is this going to work? What is my bckup plan? Getting up on time in the cold mornings are difficult, coffee and tea addiction hitting all time highs. You keep planning to meet your friends, ones who know you from long, because they are the anchors you want to hold on to, when life is passing us by.

This is more than an exciting time and age to be living in, with so many advents happening every millisecond and hence the feeling of wanting to do more and more. Embracing this is the way to be!

Tuesday, August 21, 2018

Katheyondu Shuruvagide - A Story Begins

She was meeting him after 10 odd years. She and he were best friends in college; and just friends, mind you. No one fell for the other or anything like that. People wouldn’t get it, but that didn’t matter to them. They were just best friends, friends who completed each other’s sentences, friends who planned their crimes together, friends who bunked college and went out to movies or malls. They met every single day during their 4 years of college, including the holidays, barring the extremely long (or so they felt) one week when she had had a severe stomach infection and wasn’t up to seeing anyone.

She smiled, thinking of all the times she’d had with him, as she started to get ready. “Pink looks really bad on you”, he used to say, so she deliberately chose a pink dress to irritate him. “I hope he remembers our days together as fondly as I do” she thought.

She was transported back in time as she entered their college, much ahead of the time they’d decided to meet. It was but obvious that they would choose this as the location to meet; the very place that had introduced them to one another, that had been instrumental during their formative years. The campus was empty, it being a Sunday, which gave her a lot of time to literally walk down the memory lane. Memory lane consisted of the office building, which was a place they seldom visited, which she had to visit when he’d left town and she had to go collect his documents after college. She remembered that day very well. She’d been dreading going to college alone, she’d always had him next to her. But he had joined his job in Hyderabad. She had to stay back as she had decided to continue her post-graduation in Bangalore. She deliberately chose another college as she could not bear to walk down these corridors alone, the corridors that once echoed with her and his laughter.

She then went to the classrooms section. She left out a little laugh as she remembered the first time they met. She always liked being the first to arrive at class and as always, had come to college early so she could breathe in the air and the feel of being in an engineering college. Much to her surprise, there was a boy already seated in what was supposed to be their classroom for the next 1 year. It didn’t go well with her, she was angry and a little bit jealous that she was not the first one there that morning. When he’d tried to come over and say hi, she’d outrightly ignored him. But being the persistent guy that he was, he’d talked his way into her life. It wasn’t long before she realized that this is one bug that’s going to annoy her for the rest of her life, and she welcomed it.

And then, there was the canteen. The same place where they’d gorged on samosas and idlis on subsidized rates innumerable times. The place where they’d tried to make other friends, but in the end realized that they were two of a kind and no one else would fit into their equation. The coffee shop in the canteen, where they’d talk about everything under the sun, for hours together; where they’d plan the next 20 years of their life; where they’d made plans to keep in touch and meet regularly no matter the situation; where she’d told him about her crushes and how she’d like to be proposed. “Whoever proposes to me better do it here, in this college, my place, the place that I can call mine! And not just anywhere in the college but you know where!” she’d said, and he’d understood right away. She laughed remembering how naïve she had been then. And how naïve they both had been. Little did they know that after college, life happens, and most things take a backseat. They’d been busy with their respective careers, and though initially, they’d made it a point to meet at least a couple of times a year, that too, had gradually reduced and she couldn’t believe that it had been 10 years since they met last!

The basketball court was the next stop in her trip down memory lane and she remembered him cheering for her when she played. Being the tallest girl in any class, she’d always been an avid basketball player. He had not missed even a single match of hers and was always there to support her and cheer for her, even if it meant getting teased on by classmates. “Cheerleader” they’d tease him. He would laugh it all off and do things his own way. He even had a cheerleading routine that would make her eyes tear up with laughter. She tried recreating that routine and failed miserably, but had a good, hearty laugh nevertheless.

She looked at the watch. It was time, the time that they’d decided to meet. “So much for him remembering the olden days. He didn’t even come here before time like he did on the first day” she thought and took her phone out to check whether there were any messages from him. There was one message. It read:

“Did you possibly think you could beat me to college? You haven’t changed a bit! Here’s a poem to get you started:
To all the memories and their kicks,
Do you remember I am 35 and you are…errr…almost 36?
Come find me!”

She had a huge frown on her face, he always made a dig about her age. She was hardly 4 months elder to him, but he made sure she never heard the end of it. But this seemed fun. Like a treasure hunt. She tried to think of where he could be, and first went near the classroom section, thinking he could be there as he’d made a reference to reaching before time. But in vain. He wasn’t there. She then knew where he was. The answer came to her like a lightbulb moment.

She rushed past the Chemistry Lab and stopped just before the building ended. Not many people knew that there was a small pathway in between two sections of the building that led to a flight of stairs which eventually led to the mezzanine floor, which was not used by the college as it had a very low ceiling and was a small area. No one even knew why that was constructed in the first place. One of his seniors had tipped him off about the place and he had shown her during the second year. They didn’t visit the place regularly as they didn’t want to share the fact of its existence with others.

She reached the stairs and started climbing them, her mind full of a million thoughts and her heart pounding. They’d been so close in the past; will they have the same connection still? They had been in constant touch across the years, but chatting is one thing and meeting is another. How would she feel when she sees him after all this while? She knew how he looked, of course, courtesy social media and sharing platforms, the same old goofy childish face which didn’t give out his age at all.

At the end of the stairs, she saw the usually quite dark place, was very well lit; bright and sparkly. She saw 2 beer bottles in an ice bucket kept on a mat in the centre of the room, and there he was, standing in a corner. As he heard her step in, he turned and looked at her. And he was transported back in time. She looked just like the way she did all those years ago, the same tall, lean girl who played basketball and who laughed at all his jokes, whether they were funny or not. His heart swelled with affection and he took her in his arms. The hug was a big, long, warm one and it seemed to reduce the 10 years gap by at least 2.

“I am here to remind you of something,” he said when they broke away from the hug. He pointed towards the arrangement he’d made; the beer, the ice bucket, the mat, the serial lights across the ceiling and window panes, and then he pointed at what he was wearing - A crisp white shirt, a navy-blue waistcoat with matching trousers. It took a moment for her to let it all sink in.

“Whoever proposes to me better do it here, in this college, my place, the place that I can call mine! And not just anywhere in the college but you know where! And he has to be wearing a 3-piece suit or something formal…hmmm, preferably in navy blue. I rather dig these businessman types you know…just like how Aniket looked on the day he had worn a similar suit. I could feel myself drool over him. Sigh. And also, I don’t like all the fancy romantic stuff like roses, rings…uff! Ask me to marry you with a beer in your hand and I’ll say yes any day…hahaha!” The teenager version of her had laughed with him.

“Whaaa…..?” she started to say when she realized what was going on there.

He took both the beer bottles out, held one out to her, and said “Remember the pact we had? 35 and if we both are not married by then, we marry each other? Will you marry me, my back-up?” he grinned.

Tuesday, August 7, 2018

Katheyondu Shuruvaagide

There are some highly positive aspects to this movie and a few not so positive ones too. First and foremost, the story. Katheyondu has to have a Kathe right? The best part and that is what Rakshit Shetty keeps mentioning in his posts related to this movie too, is that the movie is not bound to a story; yes, there is an underlying storyline and a couple of supporting storylines, but the way they have been treated is beautiful and unassuming.

Let's come to the next best part of the movie and that is Diganth; his portrayal of a US return Business Analyst who came back to his hometown to pursue his dreams of running a resort on "his own terms and not being a part of the concrete jungle" is to a T. He emotes, he delivers dialogues with ease, he just wins your heart. The scene where he is talking to his younger-self deserves a good round of applause. 

The locales, especially the mountains at the end of the movie, are beautiful. The way that the wheels of the Audi are shown constantly, reminds one of the passage of time or Kaala Chakra.

I felt the editing could have been better; the lead characters slip in and out of addressing each other "neenu" and "neevu", which becomes a tad irritating at times. The older couple, Murthy and Radha could (should) have been portrayed by actors who are more comfortable with each other than these two were. On their own, they were brilliant, but when they were together on screen, I felt like they were trying too hard to look head over heels with each other. The love angle between Pedro (Brilliant acting again) and Swarna was another good addition to the entire mix, and a little saddening towards the end too; would've wished to know what happened to their story.

Pooja Devariya's acting in the movie is like a spike graph; She didn't seem to do as good a job in the first and last scenes (confrontation with Akash) as she did throughout the movie. I think her talent could have been tapped in a better manner. Also, the character of Akash seemed totally unnecessary; as did that actor's presence. 

Some of the dialogues from the movie are heart touching; the digital vs printed photograph description by Tarun (Diganth), Tarun talking to his younger-self, Tarun and Tanya's dialogues on the beach, Radha's description of a hug, etc.

All in all, I thought the movie was good and it had the potential to have been great. Definitely, a nice genre for movies and moviemakers to venture into. Go watch this movie for Diganth!